Is That How It Is ?

Beberapa hari yang lalu, guncangan psikologis menerpaku..
Not only from the flood of task, but also from my attendance to a film roadshow in my faculty..
It's 5cm , a film which stars Fedi Nuril, Herjunot Ali, Pevita Pearce, Deni Sumargo , Igor Saykoji, Raline Shah..

What shocked and trembles my heart was, that I could see celebrity, real celebrity, in such a close range..
They're right there in front of my eyes, and I feel... weird.. very very weird..
I don't know why but I feel pressured, I feel like I got a heavy burden on my shoulders..
"Is that a celebrity ? Like them ? Oh My God, I don't know why, but they shine so brightly, that I need to narrowing my eyes, I could get blinded for seeing them too much longer.. Once, I want to be like them, and now I get to see what's a real celebrity like ? I... don't know what's going on.."
Maybe I feel pressured for not being able to shine like them, or maybe my perception about being a celebrity was not right, or maybe I don't have any capability for becoming something like them.. or maybe.. I don't know anything
But, seeing them in front of my eyes, sure makes me feel pressured..
That day after coming back to my boarding room, I chatted my old friends, questioning about their perception about fame.. I ask them "What is meant to be famous for you ?"
Sure, many people wants to be famous, but when they reached that fame, what's next ? Do you get happiness ? Do you get an achivement ? But if you got your achievement, what's next to you ?
Do you like being a man with many fans chanting your name, that scream aloud when you're appear on stage ? But, what's the meaning behind that ? Isn't it a mere pseudo-happiness ? When your fan chanting your name, you get to be happy, but when they're home, your happiness stops right there, right ?

So why am I aiming to be famous ?

I don't know why, and it bothers me alot..
I hate it..

Written by :
Kumara Ranudihardjo
Feeling blue
In a pressure
Bothered
30112012-15:54